Humor Magazine, Oui, Monsieur, The French Are Not Immune; Si, Signore, Even The Pope Must Do The Rope A Dope

by Tom Attea

In a world caught up in effects, with scant attention being paid to causes, we find that France — which has, in the understatement of the current issue, abstained from a full-throttle commitment to the war on terror — has gotten its terrorist wakeup call. Al-Qaeda announced it had formed a union with Algerian insurgents who consider France their enemy. The deadly duo have agreed to work together against French and, you guessed it, American interests.
Naturally, the terrorist Jack in the box, Ayman al-Zawahiri, popped up in a video to reiterate that God is on the side of the murderous plotters and hail "the joining up" of the gruesome twosome as "good news." Unable to control his demonic enthusiasm, the aging pediatrician turned child killer, ranted on, “All the praise is due to Allah for the blessed union which we ask Allah to be as a bone in the throats of the Americans and French Crusaders and their allies, and inspire distress, concern and dejection in the hearts of the traitorous, apostate sons of France….We ask him (Allah) to guide our brothers in the Salafist Group for Call and Combat to crush the pillars of the Crusader alliance, especially their elderly immoral leader, America." What century is this man’s mind in, and look who’s talking about “elderly?” The only tolerable thing about the incendiary creep’s videos is that he looks older and sicker as slime goes by.
Yet even faced with a common enemy, the French could not avoid an indirect slap at America. Anne Giudicelli, a former French diplomat specializing in the Middle East who operates a Paris consultancy called Terrorisc, said, "The Americans have become harder to target domestically, so they are trying to widen the field of action and strike their allies." Right, the only reason the new alliance is targeting France is that they can’t crash a motorboat into America from the other side of the Atlantic, and it has nothing whatever to do with France’s misadventures in Algeria.
Evidently, even the Pope is not immune. Muslim leaders, and not even the most intolerably radical ones, condemned Benedict for comments he made about Islam during his visit to Germany and demanded that he apologize.
In a speech at the University of Regensburg, the unsuspecting Pontiff got himself into quite a tiff by quoting, in scholarly misjudgment, a 14th century Byzantine Emperor, Manuel II Palaeologus, who wrote that everything Mohammad brought was evil and inhuman, "such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." Brooding Benedictus even dared to use the words "jihad" and "holy war,” as he continued to quote Emperor Manuel's argument that spreading faith through violence is unreasonable: "Violence is incompatible with the nature of God and the nature of the soul." Well, we know one thing for sure. The Vatican library rat who located that quote is in one helluva hot seat.
The head of the Muslim Brotherhood, who shall go unnamed, as we don’t like to name people who misbehave when we can avoid it, said the Pope "aroused the anger of the whole Islamic world and strengthened the argument of those who say that the West is hostile to Islam.” And in Turkey, the wannabe member of the EU, a mighty mullah stepped forth and suggested that Benedict cancel his upcoming November visit. The head of Ankara's Directorate General for Religious Affairs said, "I do not see any use in somebody visiting the Islamic world who thinks in this way about the holy prophet of Islam. He should first rid himself of feelings of hate." Hate? Look who’s calling the turban black? In an effort to deal with the flurry of punches from hard-hitting Islamists, the Pope, with security at an all-time high at the Vatican, did the rope a dope with as many apologies as he could manage.
It’s also way past time for the world’s irate Muslims, out of their own duty to Islam, to say they are deeply sorry for the violence being perpetrated in its name, something we have pretty much noticed a gaping silence about, as if there’s a widespread suspicion afoot among them that the terrorists just might be right about the true invocations of their religion.
Yet we must remember, as an unprovoked act of generosity, that these entirely too intense souls did not experience the moderating effects of the Renaissance and the Enlightenment, so they can still be cocksure that they are the official protectors of God, as if the All-Powerful One needs their vitriolic assistance.
But, apparently, the terrorist bell has not yet tolled loudly enough to be heard among the nations of Islam. For instance, Yemen, too, was quick to voice its disapproval of the Pontiff, when just days earlier radical Muslim terrorism knocked on its well-oiled doors. Suicide bombers attempted to strike two oil facilities in the country but were foiled by security guards. Yes, even the country where Osama bin Laden’s ancestors hail from is not immune.
The explosive efforts occurred just a few days after — you guessed it, the terrorist Jack in the box again — Ayman al-Zawahiri, fired off another video, threatening attacks on facilities in the Persian Gulf the madman blames for stealing Muslim oil. Right, Ayman. Yemeni Muslims are stealing Muslim oil.
Now, if carefully treading France, well-intentioned Benedict, and Muslim nations themselves are not immune from the irrational wrath of regular and radical Muslims, pray tell who is? Certainly, we know, not the downright upright and forthright folks who frown and frolic in the land of the gringo.
Clearly, our once and future Muslim brothers and sisters have some hard lessons to learn and maybe the hardest ones are internal lessons about the impregnable veracity of their beliefs. May they learn them in their own quiet moments, if they ever have them anymore.
About The Author: Tom Attea, humorist and creator of http://NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."
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