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Communication Skill, Improve Communication Skill And Improve Relationships By Complimenting
by Jonathan Steele, RN
Relationships and treatment by others can be improved by developing our communication skill. Our internal communication determines how we feel about ourselves. It can even govern our relationships with others. Changing the internal and external dialogues enable us to improve relationships. Improving in our communication skill is the key to make this change.
It has been said that negative emotions are preceded by negative thoughts. Those internal thoughts, negative or positive, are the internal ways we communicate that are being discussed here. Mastery of them is a skill that can be learned.
What happened one day on break with four colleagues illustrates this.
Complimenting one in the group resulted in an unusual reply. We will call her Sharon. My compliment was about an action and could not have been misconstrued as flattery. Sharon immediately dismissed the commendation taking the compliment and in effect saying it was not true. Surprised at her reply, my reply, "It's not like you to not accept a sincere and honest compliment. It was in no way meant as flattery. It was an honest observation." Sharon snapped back, "Oh yeah, you don't know me." My response to the 'Oh yeah' statement is based on another observation of human nature. Positive presuppositions about people usually get positive results. Negative suppositions almost always bring negative results. With effort, it is usually possible to see the good in any intention or situation. This is key to improve communication skills.
"Sharon," I continued. "Correct me if I am wrong, didn't I see you in the same Quality Improvement class we all went through? I am sure you, like all of us here are working toward constant improvement are you not?" She affirmed both queries.
I continued, "I know that you would never put down one of your colleagues, or anyone because it is not like you to put people down. As a matter of fact, you would be the first to stand up for someone…." Before completing my words, she was affirming my statement. Lobbing a grenade that exploded her internal dialogue, I finished the statement, "...like your self! Therefore, I can in all honesty say it is not like you to not accept a sincere and honest compliment." I was speaking of a person hidden by her internal dialogues. Sharon grew up in a family lacking good internal and external communication skills. Words were used constantly to put her down. Her belief was that she was no good nor ever would be. So statements she believed to be untrue were disputed. To accept a compliment was challenging because of her internal communications. It was a reality that did not fit her perception because of her internal dialogue. What about external communication skills. Here again our relationships and how we are treated may be governed by our choice of communication. Sharon had a group of kind and loving friends who tolerated her negative speech. With the above positive frame of reference, the group was able to change Sharon. Using improved communication skills enabled them to re-program her thinking. Improving their communication skills improved their relationship. But how could someone change our internal dialogue? For the next month, everyone in the group would correct her any time she put her self down. They would say, "It is not like you to put your self down like that." Or another would say, "It's not like you to not accept a compliment." And "it's not like you to be negative." Positive statements complimenting her empowered the desired internal dialogue. Within one month, she decided to change the way she thought. She decided to stop believing that she was no good. She chose to believe about her self as she did others. How she started treating others was indeed governed by the positive communication skills we developed and used with her. We ended up with an outgoing and fun person. One we knew existed somewhere inside. The simple truth is, develop positive communication skills and enjoy positive relationships. Jonathan Steele is a Registered Nurse and communications coach. You can contact him or find more information on persuasive speech and how speech can improve our lives at http://www.speechmastery.com/
These articles on lifestyle and more
Return to the selection of communication skill
You may want to try these articles on communication skill
Communication Skill, Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words by Lydia Ramsey Approximately 892 Words
You may want to try these websites for additional information
http://top7business.com/?id737
http://enlightenedpartners.com/communication.html
http://www.cbtplanet.com/communications_skill_training.htm
The information provided in this article is the express opinion of the author. Exchangenet is not responsible for the content!
Relationships and treatment by others can be improved by developing our communication skill. Our internal communication determines how we feel about ourselves. It can even govern our relationships with others. Changing the internal and external dialogues enable us to improve relationships. Improving in our communication skill is the key to make this change.
It has been said that negative emotions are preceded by negative thoughts. Those internal thoughts, negative or positive, are the internal ways we communicate that are being discussed here. Mastery of them is a skill that can be learned.
What happened one day on break with four colleagues illustrates this.
Complimenting one in the group resulted in an unusual reply. We will call her Sharon. My compliment was about an action and could not have been misconstrued as flattery. Sharon immediately dismissed the commendation taking the compliment and in effect saying it was not true. Surprised at her reply, my reply, "It's not like you to not accept a sincere and honest compliment. It was in no way meant as flattery. It was an honest observation." Sharon snapped back, "Oh yeah, you don't know me." My response to the 'Oh yeah' statement is based on another observation of human nature. Positive presuppositions about people usually get positive results. Negative suppositions almost always bring negative results. With effort, it is usually possible to see the good in any intention or situation. This is key to improve communication skills.
"Sharon," I continued. "Correct me if I am wrong, didn't I see you in the same Quality Improvement class we all went through? I am sure you, like all of us here are working toward constant improvement are you not?" She affirmed both queries.
I continued, "I know that you would never put down one of your colleagues, or anyone because it is not like you to put people down. As a matter of fact, you would be the first to stand up for someone…." Before completing my words, she was affirming my statement. Lobbing a grenade that exploded her internal dialogue, I finished the statement, "...like your self! Therefore, I can in all honesty say it is not like you to not accept a sincere and honest compliment." I was speaking of a person hidden by her internal dialogues. Sharon grew up in a family lacking good internal and external communication skills. Words were used constantly to put her down. Her belief was that she was no good nor ever would be. So statements she believed to be untrue were disputed. To accept a compliment was challenging because of her internal communications. It was a reality that did not fit her perception because of her internal dialogue. What about external communication skills. Here again our relationships and how we are treated may be governed by our choice of communication. Sharon had a group of kind and loving friends who tolerated her negative speech. With the above positive frame of reference, the group was able to change Sharon. Using improved communication skills enabled them to re-program her thinking. Improving their communication skills improved their relationship. But how could someone change our internal dialogue? For the next month, everyone in the group would correct her any time she put her self down. They would say, "It is not like you to put your self down like that." Or another would say, "It's not like you to not accept a compliment." And "it's not like you to be negative." Positive statements complimenting her empowered the desired internal dialogue. Within one month, she decided to change the way she thought. She decided to stop believing that she was no good. She chose to believe about her self as she did others. How she started treating others was indeed governed by the positive communication skills we developed and used with her. We ended up with an outgoing and fun person. One we knew existed somewhere inside. The simple truth is, develop positive communication skills and enjoy positive relationships. Jonathan Steele is a Registered Nurse and communications coach. You can contact him or find more information on persuasive speech and how speech can improve our lives at http://www.speechmastery.com/
These articles on lifestyle and more
Copyright 2006 Jonathan Steele Reprint permission granted on condition of attribution and links left live. communication skill
Return to the selection of communication skill
You may want to try these articles on communication skill
Communication Skill, Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words by Lydia Ramsey Approximately 892 Words
You may want to try these websites for additional information
http://top7business.com/?id737
http://enlightenedpartners.com/communication.html
http://www.cbtplanet.com/communications_skill_training.htm
The information provided in this article is the express opinion of the author. Exchangenet is not responsible for the content!